Why Do We Need Father's?

I was raised in a large city in the southern part of the United States by a single mother.  I am one of hundreds of thousands of women who are part of the same reality.  We survived.  Some of us even thrived.  We are okay. We are doing fine.  We are able to have stable, balanced personal and professional relationships.

I can't say that I missed out on alot because my father was absent.  There is an old saying, "You don't miss what you never had." I never had a father figure in my life, so other than what I witnessed on television, I didn't really know what that "magic thing" was that society insists I missed by his absence.    Television was simply theater, fantasy.  There was really no programming on television at that time that reflected any of my real world realities.  Although I enjoyed them, I had no connection to "Family Ties" or "The Jeffersons".

Father's are absent from their children's lives for any number of reasons... divorce, military duties, work abroad, prison, death or simply an inability to connect and bond. No matter the reason, absent is absent.  

If there is no father in the home, should women go out of their way to provide a father figure for their child?  

Join This Woman's Words radio on Father's Day at 5:30 PM CST as we welcome Psychotherapist Tom Stevens, LPC-S, RPT to discuss the question "Why Do We Need Father's?"

Houston's Own Grammy Winner: Yolanda Adams

Be sure to follow This Woman's Words to watch my one-on-one interview with Houston's award winning gospel artist Yolanda Adams.  

Yolanda recently launched a bath and body line.   I had the opportunity to talk to the native Houstonian about the products, her motivation for creating it, how she remains relevant in today's entertainment industry and her words of wisdom to young women in the industry today.  

You don't want to miss this.
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What's Going On With Your Hair???

On This Woman's Words radio I  had the opportunity to interview the co-founders of Naturally Happy Hair Magazine recently.  Our conversation brought out some issues that we as women really need to examine.

As women, why do we focus so much on our hair?  I have to include myself in this need to self examine.  If we have a "bad hair day" our entire day can be lost.  

If we have curly hair, we want straight hair.  If we have straight hair, we wish and pray to wake up one morning with curly hair.  If our hair is brown, we want it blond.  If it's black, we wish we were a redhead.  

Should we stop fighting the natural tendencies of our hair and simply 'go natural'? Is it time to empower ourselves to embrace our hair just the way it is and have Naturally Happy Hair?

Check out the conversation by Clicking Here.

Please leave your comments below:

Why I Will Run Boston Again: Marathon Survivor Lynda Nijensohn

Join This Woman's Words radio as we welcome Boston Marathon survivor and breast cancer survivor Lynda Nijensohn to the show.  Lynda will be our featured guest on Sunday May 19th at 5:30 PM central standard time.

Lynda and her father John Cowin,65, of Leesburg, Fla., are part of the history of a moment in time where Americans came together and showed heroic strength of character and faith.  Lynda ran in the Boston Marathon to support breast cancer survivors.  Her father John who was there to support her, is what I will call an American hero.  In the face of adversity he did not hesitate.  He immediately swung in to action to save American lives.  

Listen to my interview with Lynda Nijensohn live on Sunday May 19th at 5:30 PM CST or on podcast anytime by Clicking Here.  

I'd love to have you to call in to join the conversation at 714.464.4854. 

Please leave your comments below:

Photo courtesy of ctboom.com

Graduations and New Beginnings

I am from a large family.  May and June of every year is a time for graduations and new beginnings.  Each year I can expect at least two or three family members to graduate from something.  Kindergarten, middle school, high school, undergraduate college, graduate school…there is always a graduation.

This year with the economy in its current state, I can’t help but wonder what will come of the graduates in my family and in yours.  Gone are the days when a person could graduate from college and have 5 or 6 really good job offers to consider. Many traditional college graduates (those that graduate on time, in four years) are seeking internships in lieu of seeking jobs.  It is the hope of many that the internship will lead to a more permanent job opportunity.  For the class of 2013 the future is not necessarily bright.

According to a report by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, U.S. employers added 165,000 workers to non-farm payrolls in April, and the unemployment rate fell to 7.5 percent from 7.6 percent.  That is the lowest unemployment rate we have seen since December 2008. Yet we are still faced with millions of people in the U.S. who are among the ranks of the long-term unemployed.  How does this fresh new crop of eager, ready and educated graduates impact their ability to find work?

I was always told that the key to ensuring a successful and secure future was education.  Life has taught me that education is only a good, solid start.  I will always be a strong proponent for education.  Yet I want the class of 2013 to understand that they must work hard to ensure their own futures.  While it is great to get a job with a top tier company, don’t rest on your laurels.  Learn what you can from every job opportunity you have. Figure out how you can contribute to the American landscape.  Think about entrepreneurship. 

When I reflect on my freshman year of college I think of how certain I was about my future.  Now I see how much I have moved away from the vision I had for my life so many years ago. Class of 2013, here is my message for you:  “The only thing constant is change.  Always be prepared for change.”

Graduation is only the beginning.  Now is the time to start the real work. 

Are you doing now what you expected to do when you were 18 or 22?

Photo courtesy of dosomething.org

Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

Cinco de Mayo 

For those of you who follow my blog, you know that I am a proud native Texan.  For those of you who follow my blog from other parts of the nation and the world, you may not know that Texas was once a part of Mexico.  Cinco de Mayo is a big deal here in Texas.  Despite what you may read and witness online and on television, most thinking people in Texas have an understanding about why we are so closely connected to Mexico.  

Many of us of all races and ethnicities have extended family in Mexico.  Many people travel back and forth to Mexico on a regular basis for shopping, visiting relatives, business, etc….  For us it’s sort of like Rochester, New York and Kingston, Canada.  Texas and Mexico have a connection that can not be denied.

So here in Texas Cinco de Mayo is a big deal.  There will be parades, lots of food, margaritas y vino, there is at least one 5k run, celebrations, and proclamations in recognition of the day.  The meaning of Cinco de Mayo has evolved from the anniversary of Mexico’s victory in 1862 in the fight for independence from French forces. It is now more of a celebration of Mexican heritage and culture.  Both of which are alive and thriving in Texas!

What are you doing to celebrate?

Feliz Cinco de Mayo! Gracias por seguirnos This Woman’sWords!  (Happy Cinco de Mayo! Thanks for following This Woman’s Words!)

Photo courtesy of the Denver Post

West, Texas Explosion

(Austin CultureMap)

Today I’m thinking about the tragic explosion of a fertilizer plant in West, Texas.  Having lived in small town for a period of my life I understand how one explosion can impact an entire city.  As a native of a large, sprawling urban city, I also understand why many in America don’t understand how far reaching an explosion of this magnitude can be.

In small town America it is not unusual that you know someone who works at or does business with a large manufacturing facility like the fertilizer plant in West.  As a woman, I am thinking about the extensive impact this explosion will have on the families in this small town.  I think about the mothers and fathers who have lost partners, children and friends.  I am thinking about the loss of livelihood.  I am thinking about the fact that homes that have been lost.  I'm thinking about children who have lost the sense of normalcy that showing up at school each day provides.  The photo of “babies first birthday” that can never be replaced…It’s gone forever.  That photo of three generations of women that we all have with the new baby, the mother and grandma…. It’s gone forever.  It can’t be replaced. 

I am also thinking about the strength of small communities to survive in the face of tragedy.  Because everyone knows someone who works at or does business with the large manufacturing facility in West, Texas the entire town is invested in seeing the town survive and thrive.

President Obama has signed an emergency declaration to provide needed funding to the people and infrastructure in West, Texas. OSHA is doing their investigation into the cause of the explosion. The details and finger pointing will all be revealed in due time. But for now my heart aches for the families. 

Because of the indomitable spirit of Texans and of Americans, the entire nation will support its rebuilding process.  This Woman’s Words joins West, Texas in prayer and faith.

Please leave your comments and thoughts below:

Boston Marathon Explosion: A Runner's Dream Differed?

The reasons people sign up to run the Boston Marathon are as varied as the number of people in the race.  People often run to prove to themselves that they have actually made it through adversity.  There are people who run because they lost a significant amount of weight, they run because they are divorced and finally understand that they are going to survive.  They run in honor of loved ones lost in war.  Some run because they have survived breast cancer.  I read a story today about a young woman who ran in her third Boston Marathon today to help with her own healing and to help others survive.  
The story about Lynda Nijensohn who is a mother, a wife, and a breast cancer survivor is weighing heavily on my mind today as I watch hour after hour of news coverage about the Boston Marathon explosion.  I can't help watching for Lynda's face among those  terrified and disillusioned runners.  It is truly my hope that Lynda was able to make home safely to her family.  She's been through enough!

The Power of Women

Today I had the honor of being a guest speaker at a Women’s Empowerment Conference held at a local university.  I spoke to the women in attendance about relationships.  Of course I talked about all of the typical things you would expect me to discuss… Don’t lose sight of who you are in the relationship; the importance of communication.  Typical relationship topics…  Several women came up to me after the event and shared specifics about their own relationships. 

While the women at the conference learned from me at the event, I was enriched by being in their presence as well.  I was once again reminded of the indomitable power that women possess.
Women have endured a multitude of travesties since the beginning of time and we continue to survive.  We recently had to pull together to help the Senate understand the importance of passing the Violence Against Women Act.  We are joining together en mass to address the human trafficking problems in the United States and across the globe, we have joined together for over a hundred years in the U.S. in support of public education. Women are powerful and when we set a goal, we can get it done.  

At the Women's Empowerment Conference today women shared stories about working, raising children, getting married, failed marriages, fertility issues, breast cancer and on and on…. And they survived.  Women…Empowered!

Please leave your comments below:

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Coffee and Gratitude

Photo Courtesy of Huff Post

Years ago when I was a practicing therapist there was a ritual I followed every morning.  Part of my ritual was to sit down at my kitchen table with my first cup of coffee and write a gratitude list.  I believe that when we have an appreciation for our gifts the quality of our life can improve.  There is science to support my theory.  Positive Psychology tells us that practicing thankfulness can combat negative situations.

During the span of time that I was truly diligent about writing my Gratitude List I was living in a rural small town about 20 miles outside of Houston.  I had a small vegetable garden in my back yard.  I grew potatoes, onions, leafy greens, yellow squash, tomatoes and jalapenos… nothing extravagant, just the things I wanted to eat.  I made my own strawberry and apple jam.  My office was exactly 8 minutes from my driveway, that’s if every traffic light was red.  I’m wandering a little, but it’s to illustrate a point. 

My life was simpler then.  I was able to take the time out of each day to reflect on my life and pay attention to all of the things in my life for which I am grateful.  Effective today I am reinstituting that part of my morning ritual.  I have started my Gratitude List.  I encourage you to join with me and start your own Gratitude List.  Let me give you a few words of warning before you decide to join me.  Gratitude does not come as easily as complaining.  Start slowly. Learn to be grateful for both the obvious things like waking up and the things you may take for granted, like the ability to walk to your car.

I wish now that I still had those lists I made so many years ago when my child was still young and I would look out of my kitchen window and watch the birds at the bird feeder, the spring flowers billowing in the wind and an occasional deer creeping through the woods.  I plan to hold on the new list so that I can reflect in one year, five years or even in ten years.  As we move forward in life it’s always interesting to stop and take stock of how far we’ve travelled on our journey.

How often do you stop to acknowledge the things for which you are grateful?

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